So I had somebody looking at a sewing machine last week and she was like, "My boy friend doesn't understand why sewing machines are so expensive." (say that with your whiny "significant other" voice for full effect, I know you have one, we all do).
So I was like, "Tell him to read this weeks blog post it addresses that very issue." (Say that with your "authoritative professor" voice)
And she is like,(whiny voice again) "He won't read it because he thinks any guy that runs a quilt store stupid."
So this weeks blog is my renewal application for my Man Card. Comments in parenthesis are comments for blog readers only and were not included on the original application
Man Name: Ferball, Ferlando, or Big Sexy (Man Name is a title/alias given to an applicant from other Man Card holders)
Sports - Participation: Basketball, Soccer (I only include basketball and soccer because fencing and sailing may be misconstrued and could result in a "sweater vest" or "cardigan" classification on my Man Card because I lack football. Though there has been talk recently of "Pirate" endorsement which fencing and sailing should qualify me for)
Sports - Spectator: Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, Baseball (I score big points with my spectating choices)
Cars - Ownership: Audi Fox (All men have owned various cars, you are only required to list the coolest one you have owned, at first glance my Jeep might seem more manly, but without a lift kit or a winch it falls in the girl crossover category. No girl drives a Fox unless it is her boyfriends)
Project Car: 1974 VW Bus (Though not a muscle car or testosterone with wheels, I still get points just for having a project car.)
Motor Head Experience: 6.5 L Diesel (I just have to list the manliest engine I have played with)
Nascar: No (Because I have hands on experience with cars I can answer no, if I was useless under the hood and did not know a tie rod from a fuel pump I could watch Nascar to fulfill my "Cars" requirement.)
Gun-Ownership: .22 rifle (I own one but don't keep it at home, it is kind of a wimpy gun but my time in the army reserves makes up for it on the next question.)
Gun-Experience: Mk-19 Automatic Grenade Launcher (Again most men have played with multiple guns I just have to list here the manliest one I have fired and hit what I was aiming at. The only thing that scores better than a grenade launcher is a flame thrower.)
Beer: Designated Driver (as a non drinker I have no preferred brand of beer, so I use the designated driver status to fulfill this requirement)
Tobacco: N/A (this is no longer a requirement, but guys being guys the application has not been updated in years.)
So there you have it. Just because I may or may not watch Project Runway by choice, and I know that Marcus Brother's is not a classic rock cover band does not mean my man card has been revoked. If I start driving a baby blue mini cooper or wearing "salmon" colored sweaters even a grenade launcher could not save me from revocation.